The Word I Want to Grow Into: Thoughtful

Last week, I went to a funeral.
During the service, the rector said something that planted itself in my head and refused to let go. He shared that for every funeral he’s conducted over the past forty years, he’s chosen one word to describe the person being remembered. Just one.

That day’s word was gallant.
(And he was spot on for the man we celebrated.)

That word lingered — brave, noble, kind — and I started wondering: if someone had to choose one word for me, what would it be?

---

The Words Others Might Choose

Of course, it depends on the day. Or the time of day. Or how much coffee I’ve had.

The person I honked at in traffic on the tollway this morning — who cut me off — might have a few choice words, and none of them printable.
My team might say determined — or, on a long day, stubborn.
Jillian might say funny.
Scott might say messy.
Madison might say persistent.
My friends might say loyal.
Julie, my co-founder, would probably say relentless.
My dad might say steadfast.
My sister would say funny, but not as funny as me.

But what’s the word I want to grow into — the one I hope people land on no matter the circumstance?
Not just one day, but every day.

The first word that came to mind was thoughtful.

---

The Word I Want to Earn

This might surprise people who know me or have heard me speak, because I often share that I have two favorite words, and both start with the letter F — one is faith, and the other… is definitely not faith.

But thoughtful feels like a word I want to earn.

According to Merriam-Webster, thoughtful means: lost in thought, marked by careful thinking, considerate of the needs of others.

Thoughtful as in aware.
Intentional.
Kind in the quiet ways that don’t make headlines.

Thoughtful enough to send a note.
To hold the door.
To check in.
To apologize when I get it wrong.
To put myself in someone else’s shoes — even when I don’t want to.

Thoughtful when a driver cuts me off, and I take a deep breath (and maybe still mutter something under it).
Thoughtful when someone says no to something I really want, remembering they might be saying yes to something that matters more.
Thoughtful when I’m cleaning up after Newman and reminding myself he’s doing his best too.
Thoughtful when a customer yells at our team about an order they didn’t even get from us — choosing grace over ego.
Thoughtful in my faith — every day.

Because thoughtfulness isn’t always soft or quiet. Sometimes it’s gritting your teeth and choosing to respond, not react. Sometimes it’s patience, humor, or just a deep breath instead of a sharp word.

---

Small Moments, Big Meaning

I remember one time when Jillian was a baby, a woman in a grocery store looked at her and said, “My, I’ve never seen a baby so cross-eyed before.”
I walked away, checked out, got in the car, and cried.
Two days later, the comeback thoughts arrived — and let’s just say they weren’t particularly thoughtful.

And then there was the time a cold call came through and the person on the other end mispronounced Gardenuity and wasn’t really sure what we did.
So I took the call and coached him — gently — to be better prepared when making cold calls. The next day, he sent a thank-you email. He was new and said he’d always be better prepared moving forward.

Such a small, ordinary thing. But I remember it vividly.
It made me realize that thoughtfulness doesn’t require grand gestures.
It just requires presence.

---

Notes of Gratitude

A few years ago, Madison left me a Post-it note inside the coffee cup cabinet every day during November.
Simple words of encouragement, thanks, appreciation — notes of love and gratitude.

All those notes are still up to this day.

To me, that’s what thoughtful is.
Not grand gestures, but noticing. Remembering. Caring enough to pause.

---

Growing Into the Word

The older I get, the more I realize: the word we want to be remembered by isn’t something someone assigns to us.
It’s something we practice — over and over again.

When we show up.
When we listen.
When we forgive.
When we choose to grow, even when it’s hard.

So that’s my word: thoughtful.

I don’t live up to it every day — I’m still a work in progress with a lead foot and a fondness for the occasional F word — but it’s what I want to grow toward.

Because whether it’s a garden, a relationship, or a life — what you nurture grows.

“It’s the thoughtful gardener who sees what’s growing, even in winter.”
— Adapted proverb